I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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