Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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