i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
