turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
