fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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