There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
