I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
