my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You are a genius and a whore.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
