You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
