Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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