those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
