Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
