Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
