Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
