Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
