would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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