We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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