I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
