And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
