Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
