That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
foreskin is a definite game changer
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
