i wish there were pregnant emoticons
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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