Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(870): View more from Arkansas

I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.

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(631): View more from New York

She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.

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(206): View more from Washington

I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?

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(818): View more from California

I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.

(805): View more from California

What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.

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(858): View more from California

Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.

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(219): View more from Indiana

If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card

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(205): View more from Alabama

I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?

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