Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
