Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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