my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
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