you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
