woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You left your underwear on the fireplace
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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