We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
