what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
