I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
