so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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