It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
