Pants 0. Shit 1.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
