god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
