You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
