i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
