I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
