maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
