My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
