I never want to see another naked old woman again.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
