she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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