Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
