dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
