I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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