Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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