i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I will pee on everything he values.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Randomize
