I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
