the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
