his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
