i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
